12:43

Break free of that shell and surrender.

I offer my heart, my soul, my thoughts, and my body, and I ask not much but you doing the same to me.

I promise love doesn't hurt, if only you would try.

And when you do I will show you mine as you've shown me yours, the burns from past loves, that vanished with the night.

Sleep Well, My Precious Angel

My mood changed the second Nocturne Op 48. No.1 in C Minor started playing. 

By then I had spent the evening drowning myself in lavender bubbles and imagined you sharing the tub with me and staying for as long as the fear needed to take its time and get over me.

All i want to see is a smile on your precious little face, and I want nothing less than to be the reason for it. 

I know it's too soon, and my patience is long gone, but whatever I do I see you looking at me telling me the rights from the wrong.

No matter the music that plays, your eyes are lost in it. How can I be so infatuated by a person?

I have never expreriences such strenght without proper knowledge of a person. Is this what love at first sight feels like or am I kidding my freshly brewed blood? 

I still wait for that chance.. And I know that once given, I can prove to you what it feels like to be loved honestly, and how mistakes never happen with what I feel for you.

It Doesn't Matter

My thoughts become blur once I feel your scent near.

I wish to stop my brain from keeping you on at all times, but its harder than looks may show. I've felt many things towards more people than I could count, but nothing took over me as much as your soul did. The soul I never met gave me chills, and made my heart beat at the sound of its name. 

I want to cherish everything about you; everything this life has given you and what you returned to it. Your eyes light up and show me there are stories to be learned, and I want to sit next to your bed and hear all you want to share.

And I promise, I will care.

Tell me all you love and hate about this life, and how you wish it was all better. But we both know you love it, except the three minutes in this day that doesn't matter.

Love will be here tomorrow, I promise.just give me your hand and I will make you mine, and guide me to become yours...

Never Ever Again

You are the voice behind this writing,

The thunder to my lighting.

No matter how hard I try and push away, 

I remember; you've promised me with your eyes that I need to stay.

The wait is only getting started, and the future slowly turned to a past I fear to face again;

Because it takes no more than a movement from your hands to make me take those three steps back.

Forever will I stay under your light, for your guidance will be of greater need,

But fear not; 

if your heart has no welcome signs for me, I will run away again and come back another day when you wish me near.

In love is where we fool ourselves, where the perfect person sins never but loves ever and more. 

I wish to see you as a sinner in my heart, but even with a bleeding heart I need you near if only as an acquantance to this day.

Cheeks Made of Flesh

Did I ever speak of your eyes, or is the repetition coming to a bore?

How refined those lips are, but only for me to match, and once shapes intertwine, we'll reach the heavens.

This is new; I have never given this much thought to a love, but you made me press the restart button.

Let me bring you my affection on a plate with a side of love. This is the way, the way we will hold hands until the Sun's energy burns out.

Burn holes in my brain with your beauty, and recover them with your life...

 I want all that is you buried deep inside the pink mass I never seem to use in this way.

If you teach me, I will learn, if we try, I will fly.

All I need is a chance, and may our worlds burn together, forever.

 

Only The Night Forgives

I fear your eyes,

As they watch over me in the dead of the night.

You smell my defeat,

And come closer...so near...

Your breath makes my heartbeat follow and I am gone again...

Even light years away and you would come closer than I ever could to myself.

I beg you not to leave,

For I fear this loneliness taking over all I see.. I want the brightest those eyes bring with the moon,

And I want to feel your heartbeat next to mine.

I will never leave but only if you stay forever, and love by my side.

Will I be here, when I might go or when I might leave when you need me near; 

your mind cannot read, but now, this moment, is all that matters to me.

Read these words before you drift off into the night, and you will know I'm ready to feel again.

Sleep Paralysis

What was to be done at this hour? Was I to fall back under your waves and let them drift me away into the depth of this ocean we assume is to be love.

Is it too soon or too late to love you again, or can I still catch my breath and put thought into it?

I am not willing to admit defeat to your rugged soul, and the ruins that cover your saturated heart. Was it all just pain or what it imagines to be, I will never know... 

Your guidance could lose us in Heaven, but Hell is where we belong. All I need is air to breathe, and your heart to be heard, if even from far away. I promise it will all make sense one day, how the distance is never to be seen in this odd relationship, and how no matter how hard we push we will always end up here, where out eyes first met, and our lips wanted to touch. I will never forget the warmth of your eyes, and how they made me see all that was right and wrong with this life.

Your nights are made for sleep, but once I show in your dreams, your heart will guide you to the wrong way. Just remember not to follow, or I will fall under your waves once more, but this time you will push me too far away from the sanity as I know it, and I might get lost in your touch. So sleep tight and bring me to life tonight.

Scared Girls

Why has all this pained me with a visit? Have I not showed you the way out of my heart and back into hers.

If it was ever true, I wouldn't dare hold the gun the way I did. The irracional fear of death I held all my life has brought more reason than giving you any sign of care. For I know not of sleep, and misery feeds on me the further this moon grows.

You wave your hand, and a bone picks the wrong direction to throw. Will that mean you left for another reason or I it might be me looking far too deep into this. You only spoke of hello's and many, many farewells. But even after the Church s stop to give you time to think you dare to crawl back and beg my brain to give you more. Well I am no longer wanting of you. I will love and hate everything you give and take because it is you who is a great part of me no matter what life decides for us.

But promise me you will shut your eyes when you sleep tonightc or the image of my heart breaking will never let you fall inside a dream again..

Where Did He Go?

I used to fear and avoid anything I felt until a storm showed me true confusion in your smile. Is it really as bright as the sky or as gloomy as a pond  filled with no sign of life. No movement, no soul there. All I hear is rain leaving an echo through these deep woods where your eyes stole me away. I wake, and learn your magic was pressured onto my mind with the idea of what love is supposed to feel like. I never wanted to leave, as to be lost in sudden movements and soft words was a way of life ringing in these ears. Would a kiss help? Or should I seek guidance from a heart that has seen your Hell, and somehow made it out alive...

I do not understand a word a write,

i promise it is all but a game of words, a game to control what you feel, what you hear, and see when you look into my heart. It was buried deeper than yours, I promise, but it was there. 

Now that it's out I have no crumbs to help me lose it again, as I need to let it save me, treasure me, and give me all I missed when I was busy ignoring his affection. 

And here I am, feeding off of yours; it is far more powerful than you would ever imagine.

Do not let this creature give you love, for your ego is high enough, and it will push you to places you wish you hadn't seen in this short life we were given.

Say goodnight to my words, as yours have been tuned out, and join me in a night of lost dreams, and invasive ideas of the future.

Sweet Sweet Fall

What is sleep? To me nothing more than a collection of nightmares that bring you the feeling of tired once you wake. 

Why won't the leaves fall here? Is there no cold rain to give me chills on a Fall night, where darkness reaches its peak before the cars head home from work.  If only the wind would smell different, and boots could come of use. Maybe then is when the option of being fulfilled comes to life. Time is wasted every night without your cloud above my head. And the bed feels lonely when there is no warmth to be reached. 

Oh, my cold heart, are you over the winter?

Is it not time to freeze over and break, or melt at least;

I have much to feel, less to show,

And if it were worth anything I would lay down ,

down, if it would mean eternal sleep full of dreams that make my head spin of ache.

Don't fall into it,

Feel whatever is right for your heart, and that is what might be the guide for this very night.

Sleep tight my dear, or you will feel my ghost haunt you when I pass my light in this world.

Feelings

I feel nothing more than a means to an end. And with that a chapter inside me closed on its own. With all of the wounds and bruises it once carried, now it turned to a healthy state powerful enough to save me from a mental hell. Will I? Or will I not? What, you might ask, but let me keep this one on an internal level where I still debat en how to solve a problem that doesn't involve anger, or in fact, showing any type of emotion towards you. Because you see, I met my prince. And although he is far, I feel closer to him than I ever felt to you. And the reason being him showing me affection by being there for me, in another state, but still there for me, and I don't need to hear that come from his mouth to know it. You will never be the man I wanted or needed you to be, so no,

You can't stay. You don't deserve to be a part of me. Go find another body to take over.

More Darkness To Scare You

What is it about the darkness of classical music that brings me joy? I fear horror and yet I find myself listening to symphonies with haunting melodies; and yes, I am in love with them. 

If you read any of this, fear would flash upon those eyes. I turn even the greatest joy into a tragic tune. Not because I am sad inside, but rather because it feels better to look to the opposite end of my emotions, and pull them out with clamps. You won't even feel a thing, unless you listen carefully. Example being me listening to Beethoven and hearing the pianist breathing while playing the tragic composition. You can feel how powerful it made him feel, sitting on his throne, sliding his fingers upon a black Yamaha. Nothing but one light, pointed to his hands, and his face hidden with the darkness. It feels as though it blends perfectly with the velvet curtains behind him, and the curtains move with the air flow of this audiotorium; just enough for you to come near it and watch it dance to his song. Now that is power.

Should I be the one? Should I fear how I feel? I might be moving too fast or far too slow, if only I understood him enough to judge emotions with my lack of knowledge. I promise to let you feel any way you wish to feel, as long as you feel something. And as long as it is felt towards me and my heart made of glass.

Odd Scents, Fresh Beats

To share a kiss would be to intrigue my heart with your song. I know it would feel new, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. All my heart wants to do is beg for more, and let you become a part of me; I part I never thought would exist without torture and drama. Not a minute goes by that I don't think about your eyes and how much they mean to me. It could be too soon, but I feel complete, and no further than this will ever matter. The distance brings me rage, but we are closer with each moment. I will never leave you unless you give up on me, but you should never leave me, because the hurt would never end, and death would seem like the greatest reason to live. 

With each day, my writing grows into a darker self. I promise that most of these thoughts are just what comes to me, and not what is real, but I enjoy a mimick of inspiration you give me. It brings hope into my bright future full of darkness. I'll drena of you, prince, if you promise to dream of the way my hair smelled the day we fell in love.

1:23 AM

Bring the worst out of the good,

And make the bad seem great.

As I share this night with thunder,

You pour down on me like rain.

Never ache, never fear,

For it is too early to dive into this,

But bring me a little closer, my dear,

And we might get the feel of abis. 

Nonsense

Not every day takes advantage of my energy in a proper way. Today the part of waking up took hours, and after some work was done I returned more than once to nothingness that is my bed. And here I dared to feel useless when it happened purposely... 

Anxiety strikes when your voice feels further away than the distance shows itself. I know it is too early to feel the way i do, but my heart speaks no lie when it comes to honest emotion. So, once the time comes you will be only mine, and till then you may try and love another but noone will hold your head high on your shoulders like I ever would. It is because you deserve a throne made of my love to bring you joy and help show me what it is that I need. Just stay a while and we will learn more about what it really feels to be happy if only with distance. But promise to never bring me to my knees as I would never bring you to yours. Shake off any feeling of fear and weakness and only bring with you strength and your brave heart to guide me through these nights only tears may see. Never hide, never shame, only love, love, love.

Late Night Special

A new life. A new start. Gives us all an excuse to think we will sin less and provide more. Here, all I need is love letters of Winter knocking on these doors and making me cold through these nights without you. How snow would melt on my skin if yours was near mine. And all these words would make far more sense if only we tried. My selfish self has been growing out of me, making way for more emotional interaction I never found as necessary. For if I can give love and affection to a human only two days old, I might be ready to make you feel welcome in my heart. The ice melts, and with it heats the rest of my body. In this hour, of another sleepless night, I want you to feel my heartbeat when you think of me, and how it jumps and brings color to my cheeks the closer we are. Mold mine, as I would yours, because these bodies are not here to stand alone.

Safe Words

The feeling of drowning yourself if only for a few seconds can give you great fear or high excitement, it all depends on who you are as a person.

I will spend a night perfectly fine, not thinking about the least important things in my life. Then the next moon will shine bright through my window and it's back again. Feelings bring me excitement but more on an anxious side. I can try to control it but it will stay there, putting me through a state of fear. Fear of what, you might ask? It could be the fear of completion, final happiness, or the fear of loss, and tears that lose my strength with 'em. It is all relevant. I could be happy, but should I? In a romantic sense, of course. Everything else in my life has a pavement  good enough for movement. I just want to know will this fear go or stay for as long as I feel your psychological touch. Violence: we all translate it into different things, depending on situations we find ourselves in. Yours is on a sexual level, and funny story: I do not mind for as long as it gives me greater pleasure. 

Just let me fall deeper into your soul.

But, Really?

Is there more darkness or light to your soul than it is to mine, as this century found us on its way to the futures our thoughts can't keep a hold on.

Decision are to be made, and you worked quickly into it. The level of maturity is still fascinating to me, as I do not recall another man working his way to purity with such pace. Whatever is to happen, is to happen for a reason. My soul is here, still completely mine. There is time, and none to waste, but take it, because it might become of greater value on a sooner day. Will your hands wrap around with the warmth of your heart or of your brain is to be chosen by you, I just wish something would keep me from the Winter to come. My destiny is to shatter its own thoughts, and guide 'em to you, or him, or them, or maybe even back to me. The maps are not going to change in another 100 years, but the pace of the paths might give some time on that. Objectified food won't do it for me these days, as I need more than energy to bring me weakness and let my skin melt under the touch of yours. The clouds will evaporate soon, and you will be there, but let there be no sign of the skies breaking apart, as that is the only limitation we need to have to live this short, silly life.

Premature Insanity

My eyes are nearly shut, hands cracked dry, and lips sealed with the glue of your kiss. 

Would you dare to read into someone's mind and become absolutely aware of the darkness that lies beneath? I would rather cut my throat till every last drop of my blood is freed onto the floor. I know what you are thinking. Isn't she being a too dramatic? How about real? I know it sounds terrifying, but the things you could find snooping around will become far more worse the deeper you get. I have a problem getting comfortable with most men, and I learned why. It's all in that darkness. The more chaos there is, the longer I should stay. The twists inside that head of yours pluck the strings of mine, and together they turn into something beauty cannot compare to itself. Again, my eyes, soon to shut, find the confidence to show you how it feels to be emotionally latched onto someone in one way or another. No rush, just affection, the thing I feared, is here to give me pleasure.

Promise me you will stay with me till the demons collapse onto the ground with me, and bury the thoughts they might bring upon thee.