A**hole

I wanted to write about you.

But then I remembered;

Last time I did you broke me in two.

So I will rather fall asleep with this fever,

Then see your eyes lie to me tonight.

No Sense Will Be Made

I had forgotten of the virtual pages that are mine, and all because my dedication had been towards other things.
I just wish to share how I learned that love takes all the positive and negative energy, and proves it in its own light. I need more patience, and far more negligence toward others to learn what is best for me. If I do not I will stay here in this way just losing my mind over matter.
Taken apart literally.
Well, my heart nor brain will take that any longer as I enter the new year.
The new year will bring all my ideas to life, and this will, of course, be done through my own work.
I will put more in, I promise.
But poetry in its own way needs much pain or great love to enter.
At this moment I believe I honestly feel but a dash of each.
This ought not be enough for the thirst I usually quench.
I need time. I need patience.
And I wish you do too.

Senseless

I am left to write of the love I carry for myself,
One that will forever be stronger than yours,
Yours that is so plain and distant,
One that broke me down, and hurt me.
Well, now, in this light of the night,
I welcome you to feel what s rightfully mine,
My heart.
The one that froze in the night, after you made it tingle.
One that fell apart, with every twinkle.
My rhymes are senseless,
And inspiration fails me these days.
So I beg you to forgive my sins
And preach to another woman,
Another who will care far less than I ever did.
As of late you have been back in my head,
I hope you fall back out.
I will never accept your poison
For as long as I am alive.

It Is Here Again

On some nights my thoughts drift into another dimension.

The one that joins me tonight brings tears of saddness with some joy sprinkled on top.

That day I had met your match.

He was same as you were, 

Although nowhere near physically.

Now when I think of it;

you never were there.

Really.

I had fallen for the idea of your love, 

And begged my heart to go along with it.

In return I was left to learn on my own that you were never more than a man I will forever hold in my heart, but could never be held in yours.

To this day I will cry, 

as you did to my soul what had never been done before. 

You made my heart feel more ache than I could ever deserve or imagine,

But it hurt to a point where I wasn't aware it didn't mean to bring pleasure.

Will I ever completely forget

Or simply cover what you've done?

i do not know of this now.

But one day I wish to see your face again,

Just one more time,

To be sure life has led me the right way this time.

Witches Might Inspire

I wish I knew of a better way to show what I feel.

But as you learned by now, 

Nothing but this writing will ever truly come near it.

It is the end of the night that opens my mind and speaks for itself.

And though sometimes even for days I get lost

I forget to reach one's head,

I still lay here,

Writing of nothingness and more.

I change each day.

But I wish you to do so with me.

Until then all I care for is knowing you are safe and sound,

And That my arms are enough for you to give in,

Because that is all I can do,

No more than give you my heart.

And it would be a lie to say you hadn't stolen it already,

Because baby, 

I am under your spell and I wish to be charmed even more.

And No One Else Willl Matter

To find your soul in another being is something you could once only find in fairytales.

When reality hit me,

I learned I could find it in you,

In all your moves, and in all that you do.

I learned that there is more to love than a hold of hands,

And how easy it is to notice the flaws in one so similar yet so different from you.

But God, how I love those flaws as if they were mine.

As long as you stay mine.

Desperation in Words

Oh, how these nights seem darker when your face is not to be seen.

To not know of you would turn something so bright into nothing but a dimmed light. 

I've grown so fond of you near, I'd rather you stay right here. 

I've grown so fond of your smile, and how lost your thoughts turn once your favorite music plays.

I've grown so fond of you hands and how they match mine to perfection.

I've grown fond of your eyes, and all the stories they tell.

I just want you to know your existence matters more to me than I show.

And that is all I want you to know.

As long as you know.

Still Here, Cupcake.

I see these hearts to be made of glass.

If you lack care, something will break.

Sometimes we forget how fragile the idea of adore can be, as we treat it to be a normal part of our daily lives.

I beg to differ.

To adore is to appreciate all that is of it.

And for me, this it is you, and no less than you.

I've come to adore your bare existence, and the laugh that you bring with the words you speak of.

These might not seem as much at the time,

But as I dream of you, I hear every word you speak of as clear as a sunny day,

And that laugh echoes through my heartbeats.

I wish you would understand how the feeling of lonely should no longer be here.

For I will stay, as long as you want me too.

Oh Please, Please.

The day I feel wanted in your world, is one i will mark of triumph and pure affection.

The light might shatter in your eyes some days, but on others, it brings them to a shine greater than was before.

As my words lose sense, and the idea of what is real, and what is to be a metaphor is lost as well, I will assume you drink my words as I thirst for the mere idea of you. 

As different as we may seem, some similarities will hold us here.

One thing I can assure you of, is staying right here, and being one with you. 

But only if you let me.

And I hope you let me, i hope you do.

I will stay to admire your beauty but I wish nothing more in return than to feel wanted in that world of yours.

To feel welcome in your arms no matter how dark the days might seem.

Because those are the days I will need you the most,

For I need a shoulder to cry on.

And a smile to die for.

Burn me with your words as much as you please,

As long as it is something you please.

Very Superstitious

The road was made brand new, 

And we are from from knowledge of one another yet the fear is set,

But should i hope for long or rather not?

I will adore your eyes through fire and flames,

And bear through any thunder given

For I am here to stay.

All I need is a chance.

Just a chance to prove my intentions are not to be of negative state.

Taste My Poison

The wings that fly,

The birds in the sky,

Are of no height compared to you.

I have put you on a throne,

And the throne stands in my heart,

And no way is one to fall 

From it, even if I fail to love.

I give my all,

It is yours to keep,

Just let me near your heart as you are in mine, and this might be a chance to skip the fail and weep.

You're The Top

My heartbeat stood there frozen, as i heard of how cold yours might be.

To reach your hands and give them life, would be too little for one of your highness in my heart.

I have learned through years what it would be like to care and adore a person of such height, yet until now I have only met one.

It is you, and your welcome as it brought me near, and now I wish not to go back to where I was.

It may seem cold on some nights,

But remember, I stand here,

For you,

And I hope you know the means of this, as I do not know how to show in another way.

Let the beauty of your persona shine and warm you in these nights of fever, 

As I won't let the bad stand long before you, my dear.

Oh dear,

My dear,

May these walls protect you from any harm, and guide you to the top of the world.

The Sky Had Fallen Long Ago

The night had fallen over me,

And the dreams seem rather real this time.

How does your magic work so dangerously the later it is in a day's worth, I wonder, but never wish to have the answer known.

The things you adore, the way you are, the way you were given to this earth, are all the reason I have falled hard and there is no return available.

My soul has gone to a different place,

A place where tears are acceptable as long as they bring joy.

Of beer, of music, of all your marks, 

I left a memory of the beauty that is you,

A kind of beauty I write of every night,

After night,

After night.

So fall asleep as I kiss you good night, 

And I might just make the stars shine brighter this, 

and every night.

And Never After

Oh, how the days age, as my heart will forever stay young.

Between your soft skin, looks of love, and a kissable pout, nothing is left for me to say. 

And yet here I speak of it.

Again,

Again.

There won't be a day where I am not to put your beauty on the throne,

Because it has made me look,

And it is the reason we are here standing on this ground now.

Forget about past heartache,

And help me wipe these tears off.

The explosion of emotion that are here,

Whenever you are near,

Are at times too much to bare,

But I am not to leave, unless you choose to push me away.

Let me show you what a gentle hand may do,

And we might both be lucky enough to find a happily ever after...

Short One

Another day passes, 

another night rises.

And my heart has still been robbed by you.

What will you do? What will you say?

If it all turns to sense I might understand.

Until then, I will pick each sunflower that could be close to your beauty,

Just to show you how much you mean to me in this world.

And I will hope it matches your soul,

And how beautiful you really are,

As alive as you are.

Just a Reminder

I would write you a poem, but words only make sound in your heart.

If days were counted, 

The ones I dream,

Write,

Or merely think of you,

They would be past too much by now.

The care I have in this world is bare,

But the one I carry for you shines from within.

These words,

Let them guide you in the darkness of the night,

And never fear,

For my hand is here to hold,

And my shoulder is to lean on.

But only for you.

For you and no one else.

Craving You

Your neck, your hands, your cheeks, your lips. Still I am left wondering which one has given me the greater hunger.

I adore your presence, and what it makes my body go through. There is a rush once our tongues touch, and a sweet taste once my lips are near your neck.

I will need more of this medicine to cure the ache I've been left with from before.

I can feel it working.

And my heart is racing.

Just let me devour all that is you and I promise nothing else will matter in this world.

I imagine the taste that is you is sweeter than the nectar you might find on trees, on fruits, and any sweets you adore.

I adore all that is you more.

Much more than you've beared with before.

Lost, Yet Again

The hunger I hold for you has made my throat ache.

The image of your body against mine plays on repeat and the control I thought was once there lost itself in the song of your touch.

I can beg your eyes to leave but they've imprinted themselves in my head and now all there is left of beauty is you.

I cried many nights before, of what it would feel like if someone gave me the time to show them what love means to a fool like myself.

And I find you here, in front of me, and I never wanted any less than to make you feel as beautiful as you are, body, mind, soul.

Oh, the night, and how it helps me imagine how my body would react to being near yours as the moon rises above us all. Would a hug give the comfort, would a kiss on your hip bone change your heartbeat, and would your breath accelarate as I come near you.

I wish to find that out one day,

Until then hug me tight, do not let go,

Put your head against me, and show me what the meaning of love is.

Only Mine, Only Yours

I see more in your eyes than I could ever find in his.

It was chaos.

I was lost, and thought he had been my guide through this life I've become part of.

I learned the hard way,

 through tears that never dried, sleepless nights, and thoughts of this "man" as the higher good.

I see now how wrong I've been.

Instead of darkness the Sun is finally up,

This will not be my guide, because no longer will i feel as though I need a person to guide me, but a friend through it all.

The pain, the happiness, the tears, the jokes..

I hope you stay for a while.

I am yet to learn what my kiss will do to you,

And only you will taste my lips...

I Hope You Blush Tonight

And those lips,

The lips that taste od cigarettes and dreams, 

Made me hold your fragile heart and wish to never let go.

The taste of coffee once aroused my senses, but not as much as the taste of your neck on my lips.

I've easily become weak for your hands, and how much there is left for them to discover. 

Mine patiently wait,

while you go over each image I procure with my words.

The  modesty of your movement somehow turns me into a timid lover, whom I've never been before.

But from now on, your hands will beg to be glued onto mine, and your teeth will want nothing more than the bottom lip of mine.

With this path, you will send chills down my spine, and make me want to kiss every part of your body I am yet to discover. 

And the blush will be there again,

 imagining my lips tattooed onto your cheeks,

As I wait for more of the warmth yours give,

the burns your touch leaves,

And the passion your eyes mean.

I will always want more as long as you let me be yours,

 and as long as you want to be mine.

Only mine.

Sunflowers Brighten The Nights

I leave the door open for your soul to enter,

And as I do, I learn much more than was given to me at the start.

The finish line so far, at times too close,

Pulls me closer and makes my body function like a trigger. 

I hope you know how much life those lips give me,

And how much brightness has been near me since that door was left open.

If you'd like, open the windows as well, for I want nothing more than the sunshine radiating of the canvas that is your body.

Talk is Cheap

The dreams that made me lose sleep are slowly disappearing into the distance, and all I see is ones that make my nights worth the hours.

To be near you brings my heart skips, and makes my skin burn as if it has been through fire and flames. No, my cheeks shall never reach the shade of rose as yours do anytime I come near. 

Eye contact shows the intensity and how near we feel if even at this lost beginning, where mistakes are to be made and much is to be learned. If learning means memorizing every curve of your body and soul I wish to stay for another lifetime. A kiss where blush is to stay, and coming from you, sends shivers down my spine, and makes me want to move closer.

Closer.

Until the point where there is no greater feeling than the comfort of my touch. Lips, sealed, but share a smile or two with me, and make me want to kiss your beautiful face with such passion I am yet to yearn for. I promise the hunger for your beauty will grow with each day, and I want nothing less than for you to feel at least close to same. Not now. Not tomorrow. But promise me you will share your soul with my cracked hands as time grows on us.

Your eyes.

Oh, those eyes.

They make any contact with you that much more powerful. I see a strong woman, but one that could use another to guide through what is known as romance or rather love. I know less about it each day I away far from you, so come a little closer and we might be able to learn.

The night is calling me yet again, but stay for a while.

This is only the beginning to a new chapter of our young and lost lives.

Repetition

I wish to feed on sleep these nights.

Oh, how toxic those hands felt around my neck but they gave me what I had been missing at that time. To have given you my all would be no less than the truth, but in return I never reached your respect, which is all I yearned for.

I hope one day you learn the pain you've brought me, because it breaks me to this very day, and makes me drown in tears I thought had been long gone by now.

Help me gain control of these emotions and let me lose yours. All they do is feed off of my happiness. So leave, and never come back, I need my heart back so I can learn to love again.

And again.

And again.

Really Bad Writing

The feeling of loneliness comes with power. But sometimes our hearts need a warmer touch to reach the exceeding energy it has to light up this world.

I've grown fond of your silhouette, and it brings me nights with dreams of purity and passion. I still fear to reach out completely and break free of this shell i've built, but this could be a time of enlightment; a time when I learn to love again.

I'm sure appreciation of your beauty is a sign of affection, and how my body goes rush after rush with the image of your thoughts.

Life might turn scary some nights, but at least tonight it has made me believe in good and all that is you coming along with it.

Blue, You Say

My heart is confused as ever, and the next step will stay as the past one. But for the first time in a long time I do not mind.

There you stood, smiling, not even questions how we got here. But it felt beautiful, natural. It had a flow I had never before seen around, and now the Sun seems to shine brighter. Maybe to stay, rather not to go, let me lose myself in your beauty and I will be freed from the shackles of this world. The night offers kindness and makes your words come to life. To say this to stay purely platonic would be a lie, and the dreams you have are shared with mine: all of eternal happiness.

So let me guide you, as you guide me through these moments at a time, and I promise the world will stop to hear the whispers coming from your lips, as they make my heart wish you would be closer, more near. 

Is It?

What is this new feeling bruising my skin? It must not yet be your lips and how they change my skin from a pale purple undertone, to a bright, pink sheen that proves the bloodflow to be real; even in a person like me.

I stay in awe, for that is all one could do at this point. And I wait with a cocked gun as to see what is one to do?

Do I aim for your heart and steal nothing less, or am I to rather watch your every move until completely prepared to do so?

For now it is too soon to say. 

Give me yet another day,

Just another day.

I Wish You A Long Life, Though.

Your love must've made me sick to give me the idea you wished to stay by my side.

Your love is in luck; I wish nothing more than to keep our hearts as far as those who are meant to be with wish to seperate. The promises that were unspoken were still there, and my heart thought that it was almost broken when, truth be told, it stayed there; frozen in time. I hope you find eternal happiness the night you join the future bed come to be known as your grave, for that will be the only time from which my heart will choose not to ache. 

Another Cry For Help

How is it that everytime your eyes show themselves in my presence, my eyes water and my fists clench.

Whether anger or affection, no matter how far, no matter how close, you will always have magnetic control over me. I wish I could read your mind and know all you've to say, but I know, that even through reading of such, you will find a way to hide things you could never possibly say. So, my dear prince of the dead of the night, I pray you find your way back home, and by home I pray that this is to be my heart. I will never leave the spot you've met my eyes for the first time, as long as you never cry away from this smile that will always stay wider that the heart I've cut open for you on that beautiful day...

This is But a Game

I left the night unspoken, but at least my heart is not broken.

I promise to write, and every night, or every other night, I talk to the souls hovering my bed and escape into a world where these words make sense. On some nights, though, they choose rather not to show. For the days are growing shorter, and the lack of sleep beneath my eyes is coming out with a story of yawns and blinks that bear not being opened.

The night I do sleep well, and the night I bring back the imaginery of alcohol and how well it tasted when mixed with your body, will be the one you will listen to the spirits of the night, and join me on a ride to this new world.

This new world that brings more tears than joy, and way more fear then any other toy.

12:43

Break free of that shell and surrender.

I offer my heart, my soul, my thoughts, and my body, and I ask not much but you doing the same to me.

I promise love doesn't hurt, if only you would try.

And when you do I will show you mine as you've shown me yours, the burns from past loves, that vanished with the night.

Sleep Well, My Precious Angel

My mood changed the second Nocturne Op 48. No.1 in C Minor started playing. 

By then I had spent the evening drowning myself in lavender bubbles and imagined you sharing the tub with me and staying for as long as the fear needed to take its time and get over me.

All i want to see is a smile on your precious little face, and I want nothing less than to be the reason for it. 

I know it's too soon, and my patience is long gone, but whatever I do I see you looking at me telling me the rights from the wrong.

No matter the music that plays, your eyes are lost in it. How can I be so infatuated by a person?

I have never expreriences such strenght without proper knowledge of a person. Is this what love at first sight feels like or am I kidding my freshly brewed blood? 

I still wait for that chance.. And I know that once given, I can prove to you what it feels like to be loved honestly, and how mistakes never happen with what I feel for you.

It Doesn't Matter

My thoughts become blur once I feel your scent near.

I wish to stop my brain from keeping you on at all times, but its harder than looks may show. I've felt many things towards more people than I could count, but nothing took over me as much as your soul did. The soul I never met gave me chills, and made my heart beat at the sound of its name. 

I want to cherish everything about you; everything this life has given you and what you returned to it. Your eyes light up and show me there are stories to be learned, and I want to sit next to your bed and hear all you want to share.

And I promise, I will care.

Tell me all you love and hate about this life, and how you wish it was all better. But we both know you love it, except the three minutes in this day that doesn't matter.

Love will be here tomorrow, I promise.just give me your hand and I will make you mine, and guide me to become yours...

Never Ever Again

You are the voice behind this writing,

The thunder to my lighting.

No matter how hard I try and push away, 

I remember; you've promised me with your eyes that I need to stay.

The wait is only getting started, and the future slowly turned to a past I fear to face again;

Because it takes no more than a movement from your hands to make me take those three steps back.

Forever will I stay under your light, for your guidance will be of greater need,

But fear not; 

if your heart has no welcome signs for me, I will run away again and come back another day when you wish me near.

In love is where we fool ourselves, where the perfect person sins never but loves ever and more. 

I wish to see you as a sinner in my heart, but even with a bleeding heart I need you near if only as an acquantance to this day.

Cheeks Made of Flesh

Did I ever speak of your eyes, or is the repetition coming to a bore?

How refined those lips are, but only for me to match, and once shapes intertwine, we'll reach the heavens.

This is new; I have never given this much thought to a love, but you made me press the restart button.

Let me bring you my affection on a plate with a side of love. This is the way, the way we will hold hands until the Sun's energy burns out.

Burn holes in my brain with your beauty, and recover them with your life...

 I want all that is you buried deep inside the pink mass I never seem to use in this way.

If you teach me, I will learn, if we try, I will fly.

All I need is a chance, and may our worlds burn together, forever.

 

Only The Night Forgives

I fear your eyes,

As they watch over me in the dead of the night.

You smell my defeat,

And come closer...so near...

Your breath makes my heartbeat follow and I am gone again...

Even light years away and you would come closer than I ever could to myself.

I beg you not to leave,

For I fear this loneliness taking over all I see.. I want the brightest those eyes bring with the moon,

And I want to feel your heartbeat next to mine.

I will never leave but only if you stay forever, and love by my side.

Will I be here, when I might go or when I might leave when you need me near; 

your mind cannot read, but now, this moment, is all that matters to me.

Read these words before you drift off into the night, and you will know I'm ready to feel again.

Sleep Paralysis

What was to be done at this hour? Was I to fall back under your waves and let them drift me away into the depth of this ocean we assume is to be love.

Is it too soon or too late to love you again, or can I still catch my breath and put thought into it?

I am not willing to admit defeat to your rugged soul, and the ruins that cover your saturated heart. Was it all just pain or what it imagines to be, I will never know... 

Your guidance could lose us in Heaven, but Hell is where we belong. All I need is air to breathe, and your heart to be heard, if even from far away. I promise it will all make sense one day, how the distance is never to be seen in this odd relationship, and how no matter how hard we push we will always end up here, where out eyes first met, and our lips wanted to touch. I will never forget the warmth of your eyes, and how they made me see all that was right and wrong with this life.

Your nights are made for sleep, but once I show in your dreams, your heart will guide you to the wrong way. Just remember not to follow, or I will fall under your waves once more, but this time you will push me too far away from the sanity as I know it, and I might get lost in your touch. So sleep tight and bring me to life tonight.

Scared Girls

Why has all this pained me with a visit? Have I not showed you the way out of my heart and back into hers.

If it was ever true, I wouldn't dare hold the gun the way I did. The irracional fear of death I held all my life has brought more reason than giving you any sign of care. For I know not of sleep, and misery feeds on me the further this moon grows.

You wave your hand, and a bone picks the wrong direction to throw. Will that mean you left for another reason or I it might be me looking far too deep into this. You only spoke of hello's and many, many farewells. But even after the Church s stop to give you time to think you dare to crawl back and beg my brain to give you more. Well I am no longer wanting of you. I will love and hate everything you give and take because it is you who is a great part of me no matter what life decides for us.

But promise me you will shut your eyes when you sleep tonightc or the image of my heart breaking will never let you fall inside a dream again..

Where Did He Go?

I used to fear and avoid anything I felt until a storm showed me true confusion in your smile. Is it really as bright as the sky or as gloomy as a pond  filled with no sign of life. No movement, no soul there. All I hear is rain leaving an echo through these deep woods where your eyes stole me away. I wake, and learn your magic was pressured onto my mind with the idea of what love is supposed to feel like. I never wanted to leave, as to be lost in sudden movements and soft words was a way of life ringing in these ears. Would a kiss help? Or should I seek guidance from a heart that has seen your Hell, and somehow made it out alive...

I do not understand a word a write,

i promise it is all but a game of words, a game to control what you feel, what you hear, and see when you look into my heart. It was buried deeper than yours, I promise, but it was there. 

Now that it's out I have no crumbs to help me lose it again, as I need to let it save me, treasure me, and give me all I missed when I was busy ignoring his affection. 

And here I am, feeding off of yours; it is far more powerful than you would ever imagine.

Do not let this creature give you love, for your ego is high enough, and it will push you to places you wish you hadn't seen in this short life we were given.

Say goodnight to my words, as yours have been tuned out, and join me in a night of lost dreams, and invasive ideas of the future.

Sweet Sweet Fall

What is sleep? To me nothing more than a collection of nightmares that bring you the feeling of tired once you wake. 

Why won't the leaves fall here? Is there no cold rain to give me chills on a Fall night, where darkness reaches its peak before the cars head home from work.  If only the wind would smell different, and boots could come of use. Maybe then is when the option of being fulfilled comes to life. Time is wasted every night without your cloud above my head. And the bed feels lonely when there is no warmth to be reached. 

Oh, my cold heart, are you over the winter?

Is it not time to freeze over and break, or melt at least;

I have much to feel, less to show,

And if it were worth anything I would lay down ,

down, if it would mean eternal sleep full of dreams that make my head spin of ache.

Don't fall into it,

Feel whatever is right for your heart, and that is what might be the guide for this very night.

Sleep tight my dear, or you will feel my ghost haunt you when I pass my light in this world.

Feelings

I feel nothing more than a means to an end. And with that a chapter inside me closed on its own. With all of the wounds and bruises it once carried, now it turned to a healthy state powerful enough to save me from a mental hell. Will I? Or will I not? What, you might ask, but let me keep this one on an internal level where I still debat en how to solve a problem that doesn't involve anger, or in fact, showing any type of emotion towards you. Because you see, I met my prince. And although he is far, I feel closer to him than I ever felt to you. And the reason being him showing me affection by being there for me, in another state, but still there for me, and I don't need to hear that come from his mouth to know it. You will never be the man I wanted or needed you to be, so no,

You can't stay. You don't deserve to be a part of me. Go find another body to take over.

More Darkness To Scare You

What is it about the darkness of classical music that brings me joy? I fear horror and yet I find myself listening to symphonies with haunting melodies; and yes, I am in love with them. 

If you read any of this, fear would flash upon those eyes. I turn even the greatest joy into a tragic tune. Not because I am sad inside, but rather because it feels better to look to the opposite end of my emotions, and pull them out with clamps. You won't even feel a thing, unless you listen carefully. Example being me listening to Beethoven and hearing the pianist breathing while playing the tragic composition. You can feel how powerful it made him feel, sitting on his throne, sliding his fingers upon a black Yamaha. Nothing but one light, pointed to his hands, and his face hidden with the darkness. It feels as though it blends perfectly with the velvet curtains behind him, and the curtains move with the air flow of this audiotorium; just enough for you to come near it and watch it dance to his song. Now that is power.

Should I be the one? Should I fear how I feel? I might be moving too fast or far too slow, if only I understood him enough to judge emotions with my lack of knowledge. I promise to let you feel any way you wish to feel, as long as you feel something. And as long as it is felt towards me and my heart made of glass.

Odd Scents, Fresh Beats

To share a kiss would be to intrigue my heart with your song. I know it would feel new, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. All my heart wants to do is beg for more, and let you become a part of me; I part I never thought would exist without torture and drama. Not a minute goes by that I don't think about your eyes and how much they mean to me. It could be too soon, but I feel complete, and no further than this will ever matter. The distance brings me rage, but we are closer with each moment. I will never leave you unless you give up on me, but you should never leave me, because the hurt would never end, and death would seem like the greatest reason to live. 

With each day, my writing grows into a darker self. I promise that most of these thoughts are just what comes to me, and not what is real, but I enjoy a mimick of inspiration you give me. It brings hope into my bright future full of darkness. I'll drena of you, prince, if you promise to dream of the way my hair smelled the day we fell in love.

1:23 AM

Bring the worst out of the good,

And make the bad seem great.

As I share this night with thunder,

You pour down on me like rain.

Never ache, never fear,

For it is too early to dive into this,

But bring me a little closer, my dear,

And we might get the feel of abis. 

Nonsense

Not every day takes advantage of my energy in a proper way. Today the part of waking up took hours, and after some work was done I returned more than once to nothingness that is my bed. And here I dared to feel useless when it happened purposely... 

Anxiety strikes when your voice feels further away than the distance shows itself. I know it is too early to feel the way i do, but my heart speaks no lie when it comes to honest emotion. So, once the time comes you will be only mine, and till then you may try and love another but noone will hold your head high on your shoulders like I ever would. It is because you deserve a throne made of my love to bring you joy and help show me what it is that I need. Just stay a while and we will learn more about what it really feels to be happy if only with distance. But promise to never bring me to my knees as I would never bring you to yours. Shake off any feeling of fear and weakness and only bring with you strength and your brave heart to guide me through these nights only tears may see. Never hide, never shame, only love, love, love.

Late Night Special

A new life. A new start. Gives us all an excuse to think we will sin less and provide more. Here, all I need is love letters of Winter knocking on these doors and making me cold through these nights without you. How snow would melt on my skin if yours was near mine. And all these words would make far more sense if only we tried. My selfish self has been growing out of me, making way for more emotional interaction I never found as necessary. For if I can give love and affection to a human only two days old, I might be ready to make you feel welcome in my heart. The ice melts, and with it heats the rest of my body. In this hour, of another sleepless night, I want you to feel my heartbeat when you think of me, and how it jumps and brings color to my cheeks the closer we are. Mold mine, as I would yours, because these bodies are not here to stand alone.

Safe Words

The feeling of drowning yourself if only for a few seconds can give you great fear or high excitement, it all depends on who you are as a person.

I will spend a night perfectly fine, not thinking about the least important things in my life. Then the next moon will shine bright through my window and it's back again. Feelings bring me excitement but more on an anxious side. I can try to control it but it will stay there, putting me through a state of fear. Fear of what, you might ask? It could be the fear of completion, final happiness, or the fear of loss, and tears that lose my strength with 'em. It is all relevant. I could be happy, but should I? In a romantic sense, of course. Everything else in my life has a pavement  good enough for movement. I just want to know will this fear go or stay for as long as I feel your psychological touch. Violence: we all translate it into different things, depending on situations we find ourselves in. Yours is on a sexual level, and funny story: I do not mind for as long as it gives me greater pleasure. 

Just let me fall deeper into your soul.

But, Really?

Is there more darkness or light to your soul than it is to mine, as this century found us on its way to the futures our thoughts can't keep a hold on.

Decision are to be made, and you worked quickly into it. The level of maturity is still fascinating to me, as I do not recall another man working his way to purity with such pace. Whatever is to happen, is to happen for a reason. My soul is here, still completely mine. There is time, and none to waste, but take it, because it might become of greater value on a sooner day. Will your hands wrap around with the warmth of your heart or of your brain is to be chosen by you, I just wish something would keep me from the Winter to come. My destiny is to shatter its own thoughts, and guide 'em to you, or him, or them, or maybe even back to me. The maps are not going to change in another 100 years, but the pace of the paths might give some time on that. Objectified food won't do it for me these days, as I need more than energy to bring me weakness and let my skin melt under the touch of yours. The clouds will evaporate soon, and you will be there, but let there be no sign of the skies breaking apart, as that is the only limitation we need to have to live this short, silly life.

Premature Insanity

My eyes are nearly shut, hands cracked dry, and lips sealed with the glue of your kiss. 

Would you dare to read into someone's mind and become absolutely aware of the darkness that lies beneath? I would rather cut my throat till every last drop of my blood is freed onto the floor. I know what you are thinking. Isn't she being a too dramatic? How about real? I know it sounds terrifying, but the things you could find snooping around will become far more worse the deeper you get. I have a problem getting comfortable with most men, and I learned why. It's all in that darkness. The more chaos there is, the longer I should stay. The twists inside that head of yours pluck the strings of mine, and together they turn into something beauty cannot compare to itself. Again, my eyes, soon to shut, find the confidence to show you how it feels to be emotionally latched onto someone in one way or another. No rush, just affection, the thing I feared, is here to give me pleasure.

Promise me you will stay with me till the demons collapse onto the ground with me, and bury the thoughts they might bring upon thee. 

My Eyes Are Closed

The things your eyes have seen and done to me make me blush enough for you to notice.

Everything happens for a reason. How about almost kissing your lips? Is it nothing more than a drunken accident? I felt it all today: anxiety, happiness, relief, stress. You made me open up in the way I was afraid to, and this helped me understand what it is that I really feel when put in a beautiful building with no one but you and my heart. I'm glad you let my soul come bare and made me say the things i was afraid of. To think I feared showing you what it's like inside my head... Your hand in my hair, and these tears that proved my greatest fears were nothing but distractions from the real affection I hold for you. But in your eyes is where I want drown, where I want to die because it would be the happiest death if it was as honest and dark as you are. And as you held my hand and pulled me closer to your face, that fear struck again. I couldn't let you. I care far too much for you to give into the temptation. As close to your eyes as I was your lips were much darker... They were begging to be touched in any way, and my self control made its debut at the best time possible to shut me out. But boy did I enjoy the view. Is it weird that pulling your hair gave me ideas one should not think of under these circumstances? And the thought of your lips almost brushing past mine wakes the butterflies buried inside my stomach and makes me turn into a child again. Sharing a dance very close to your body made me feel content. It gave me hope I didn't know existed before, so thank you, for making me feel, and showing my thoughts in a more open setting, away from the head itself.

Pink is The Color of Your Lips

I want to melt with your skin. 

Feel your fingers on my back dimples. 

Let me show you the color of fire coming from my heart.

Bring me the flush opon your face and make it mine.

No words, just breathe near my face.

I want to know how it feels when you lift up my chin and see the light coming through my eyes.

Baby, does it feel like the Sun is so high?

No clouds for this love, just rays from the sky.

Take me away from reality, and push me further away from sanity.

I want to be yours. 

Only yours. 

What's Your Number?

One day. Three guys asking for my phone number. I guess you could say this semester is about to get interesting. But that is not something I cared much for today. What is there, inside me, is a kind of affection you do not feel everyday. Something that seems to grow in a way and grasps my skin when i least expect it. 

The carpet is rough, but being against the wall and talking about failed affairs with some success with a good friend makes for a great scene. We might have spent minutes, hours or days there, it would all make for the same feeling of sleepiness after a big lunch. Watching bodies as they walk past us, but not really looking through them, is more fun that one might imagine. Oh how I loved those shorts, and how beautiful her hair was. He might be too tall and she is wearing the wrong shoes. All just pathetic attemps at making oneself feel better while beating another about it. Not in a negative light, I hope you understand, but more in a way that could entertain me enough around 3 PM. Sitting there, I watch and a minute of distraction places my eyes indirectly onto him, walking by me, not aware of my being, just doing his own thing. To follow? Yell? Run? No, nothing more than to send a text that makes for a conversation with him. But wait, what is so interesting about this? The moment I became aware of his presence my heart sent out a signal to the rest of the body giving me a rush I haven't felt in a while. What is this silly song my body sings and where can I stop it from replaying itself? I promise, I am not falling from him, I promise. It seems as though the wrong people always feel better for us, ain't that the truth? But I enjoyed the feeling, it was something I thought would take a while to break free from my heart. The blood flows stronger, better and gives me the power over the words on this paper. Call him a friend, form of inspiration or someone who simply exists, but his being makes mine fill with joy in its own twisted way. So how would I feel if he ever read this? To be honest, it would not change much for me. These are all of my feelings, all of my thoughts, drained onto this virtual notebook.  And as long as I have a reason to write, him knowing of it will not affect me much. He can take it as flattering or come suprised, shocked even as to my even dare to write such things.  Because, in all honestly, if it was centuries behind this view on a man in a loving relationship could be frowned upon, even thought of as tasteless. But you take it as you want it as long as I leave a mark on your mind.

I Can't See It

The dress is long, black, with straps all over the back, placed in a way that could help me seduce with nothing more than the movement of my shoulders. I might try it, if only to prove my point. Even the kimono and fringe hanging from it cannot express how feminine I feel in the new version of me. She is happier, focused, and knows what she wants. The only thing that she would tumble with is the image of him hovering over her like a hawk. The possibility is barely there BUT you never know what life has planned out for you. What would I do? How would I react? Wave, say hello or simply ignore? How about not think about it, and yes, that would be nice, but we all stress over the idea of a past lover or friend showing up in front of our eyes because we usually don't do what was rehearsed 3 nights ago when the possibility was learned about. You might feel your body cramp up, and your mouth dry but guess what? No matter what you do or say they are not there to stay. 

I want to see him, because closure is an important part of the moving on process and seeing that person just one more time will show you how exactly do you feel. The only ex person I got to see in the past two days was a guy, who was fun, but no real man to end things by telling me straight up, but instead stopping all contact without a warning which is probably the easiest thing to do. I am almost certain men fear our reactions if we are told such things face to face but guess what? I will only stand stronger and better when it's done, so it is up to you to find the way more "appropriate" for you. I want to write more tonight, but my eyes are begging for rest, and my brain needs a break from overthinking even now when there is yet no actual work for college. 

All I need is Chopin and E.A.Poe. No other inspiration will matter much to me. If it doesn't make you feel the darkness under your skin, congratulations, you might have it easier than the next guy. 

Some Type of Way

I have stories to tell, real stories, ones that actually happened to me. The only thing they lack is me telling them to you, the reader. I haven't read in a month or so, and there has been no writing done in the past few months, the months I have spent crying in secret, all over a man that broke me down, tore my wings apart and spread his in the other direction. Even the strongest woman will break at the sight of true love. It might not be pure or perfect, but if you feel it, it is real. But these stories are not all about him. Some are of the men that I "stumbled" upon on my way to a healthy relationship (as if I have any clue what color it is, how it tastes or feels on my skin), which i need, according to people who find themselves close to me in one way or another. As I decided to start off a new year in my collegiate life by being close to perfection in my studies, I also chose to write everyday no matter how boring, obnoxious, sappy or dramatic it may be. I need the practice, and I know I will find my way to the voice I am searching for, the one that makes every letter taste like chocolate, and as it molds together I will make the perfect cake for you to eat. It might take a while for the perfect recipe, but I will get there and you will be left with a taste of me, the girl with a heart hidden inside the box of ice. 

Now that the introduction is out of the way, the new semester has started today, and I find myself overthinking again. You see, I feel something for a man, but I am not yet sure of the power it holds over me. It could be a wonderful friendship with no intentions whatsover, but the joke is on me because I am in love with his brain. And not in a sexual, or "I want to date you" kind of way, but in a way that I could listen to him all day and make it through the night, because it feeds me, it feeds that hunger inside me. It doesn't have the power as strong as the one I felt before, where I would linger with the mere thought of that man's tongue and breath on my neck, but I finally feel something, and I haven't felt anything in a while. So what should I do? Let it take its way over and around me. And here I thought I could care about my close friends, and that would be all that I felt, but if his words continue getting closer to me, I will hate him anywhere far way from me and would need a higher dosage of his wisdom. Just a warning before I go on, I am all over the place with metaphors because I believe in writing what I feel at that exact moment. To further my story of his wisdom, I need you to know that I am of course, physically attracted to him so it makes the entire "story" fit even better together, because if there is something that is even better than the words flicking from his tongue it is definitely the way his lips are curved to perfection. Yes, I pay attention to details. And no, I cannot make too much contact with him because I know he will read my eyes well, and that scares me, because his friendship means more than any feeling of love ever would. It's funny because we only hung out alone two times but when people connect, that is all that really matters. I know there is so much more that he has to say and I want to listen to it, enjoy what comes out, because it is beautiful in its own dark way. Oh man, have I taken this post too far? Made it seem like I am in love with the guy? I hope you didn't get that idea because I am only paying tribute to his beautiful soul, and how rarely such a person comes along in my life. I think that would be enough adoring for one night, farewell until tomorrow.